Battle For The Ages

Today a battle happened. Not just any battle but one that will go down in history and be told over camp fires to inspire the young to rise up and do great things. My telling is the one you should memorize because it is the most accurate.

I had today off from the Hilton and my morning was spent relaxing not really doing anything special. Then around 10:30 am my phone rings. Looking at the caller id I see "Chick" which is my sister. Thinking she just wants to ask how to make sure her boys turn out as awesome as myself I answered.

Right away I could tell something was wrong from the deep frightened breaths coming from her end of the phone call. I was greeted with "There's a bird in my house!" after asking "what??" and talking for a few minutes I found out somehow a bird was in my sisters house and she was panicking. I told her I'd be right over. I jumped in my car and heroically raced to her house. On the way she called me to tell me she had no idea where the bird was but that she had barricaded herself with her two sons in one of the boys bedrooms.

I got to the house and like any house where a battle is about to take place, I found the front door open. I walked inside and called out to my sister that I was there. Looking around the kitchen I couldn't find my Nemesis. So I ventured upstairs. As I walked past the bathroom I heard a screech of a bird which could only mean "DIE HUMAN!" and caught a look at my foe for the first time. It looked something like this.

















I jumped back as the bird circled the bathroom once and with another cry of war dove into the master bedroom. Realizing I needed weapons I closed all the doors to the rest of the house except the bedroom door, lest the fowl demon try and hide. I headed back downstairs looking for my weapons of choice.

My first thought was of other battles I have fought with flying opponents. I remember well the flying, hissing cockroaches of the Caribbean. We used a flame thrower made of hairspray and a candle against them. But my 'Geek Sense' was tingling and I figured fire would be a bad idea against this bird.

So I grabbed a pot and roll of wrapping paper, now armed to the teeth I went back upstairs.





























As I entered the room, the bird was preached on the window frame waiting for me. Seeing I was armed, he gave another screech and with a laugh fit only for something not of this world transformed before my very eyes. Sharp beak, talons in the front, lion body in the back, feathers such a deep black they make the moonless night look like a summer day. I was staring at a griffin.

















Steeling myself for the fight I knew would not end quickly, I took a deep breath and called upon all the comic knowledge I posses. (which is quite a lot). My weapons and clothing shimmered a silvery hue and with a burst of light which sent the griffin soaring backwards into a nearby cave, I now stood, ready to fight to the death if needed. I was a knight.














My eyes darted around the room. The monster had vanished, my heart racing, my muscles tense, ready to be attacked at any moment I began my search. Spotting a near by closet I knew the creature must be in there. Caves always make good hiding places. As I attacked the darkness a cry that will freeze your soul escaped from it's throat. Soaring above me, pooping something that I knew must be lethal if it came in contact with human skin, the griffin made it's escape out the door I left open.

Charging downstairs after it we did battle again in the kitchen. Here there was more room for it to maneuver. But by forcing it into the corner I was able to open the back door and as I made my final charge the griffin circled the room and with a flash of light changed back into it's bird form and flew out the door disappearing into the blue sky.

I'm glad I was able to protect my sister and nephews today, but I'm going to have to start my nephews training so they can ward off future threats.